The Older Woman Speaks

 

My friend Kayla recently lamented the lack of older women following the biblical mandate to instruct younger women. She pointed out that Titus 2:4-5 says “Older women are to teach the younger women to love their husbands and children. They are to teach them to think before they act, to be pure, to be workers at home, to be kind, and to obey their own husbands. In this way the Word of God is honored.” I thought about how often in my life I have also lamented the lack of Godly older women to take me under their wing and teach me. My friend was speaking passionately against the apathy of the older generation. I found myself considering the reasons in my own life I have seen the failure of following this model in churches.

                First, I always wonder at what age we should become the teacher. I am always looking for an adultier adult, a wiser woman to stand up and speak. James 3:1 warns us “not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.” Humility should mean that we are all asking, am I the right person to speak, to lead in this situation? Sometimes older women fail to speak, because they forget they have permission and a mandate to do so, they genuinely are humble enough to wait for someone to appoint them to lead.

                Second as I waited for those older wiser women to step up, countless people young in spiritual life and\or physical age who were eager to teach others, trampled the older women in their enthusiasm. These young women stand up quickly and loudly, demanding to speak and lead, forgetting 1 Timothy 5:22 (AMP) which warns us. “Do not be hasty in ordaining and approving someone for ministry or an office in the church.” Often, young women eager and even demanding leadership who are incapable of the task as they have not followed the path long enough to know the way, detoured the older ones from stepping up. The argument could be that older women cannot instruct the younger ones, because younger women are not interested in listening or following.

                Finally, it is sometimes as my friend was lamenting, truly just apathy and a refusal to follow the Lord’s plan for spiritual leadership in churches and relationships. It is hard to build relationships and be intentional, often people do not because of the work involved, or because they themselves have never experienced the guidance of an older member of the body of Christ. As Paul says, “surely you remember, brothers and sisters, our toil and hardship, we worked night and day,” honestly building is demanding work, and sometimes we are simply not willing to work.

                As I mulled this over, I decided I am not young. My child in college attests to that fact (ignoring the fact that I still also have a toddler). I do not consider myself to be that wise spiritual woman I keep looking around for, but I am qualified to be, older. Since I am in fact older, and have been challenged to instruct, here is an offering.

From the Older Woman....my thoughts today.

                My son and I have been reading the book of Judges, and I just came to this story in chapter 17.

                 “Once there was a man named Micah who lived in the Ephraim highlands. He said to his mother,  ‘The eleven hundred pieces of silver that were taken from you led you to declare a curse and even repeat it when I could hear. I have that silver. I am the one who took it, and now I will give it back to you.’  His mother replied, ‘May the Lord bless you, my son!” He then gives the money back and his mother dedicates the money to the Lord by, in her own words “making it into a sculpted image a molded image for MY SON.” She gives the silver statue to Micah, her son, and he puts it in his house.

                What a truly bizarre moment. A son steals money from his mom, hears her curse whoever did it, apparently gets concerned ( maybe because of the cursing) , returns the money, and is immediately rewarded with a blessing from his mother and is given the very money he had originally stolen.  This young man takes questionable accountability for his wrongdoing, as the text links his return to conscience to the curse not conviction over his sin, and receives a blessing\reward for his sin. In the next few verses it says, “there was no king in Isreal, and each person did what was right in his own eyes.” Micah’s story continues as one questionable moral decision after another, while he continually thinks the Lord will bless him. Understand God does not include this story to say Micah, nor his mother were in the right, but to make us appalled at calling sin righteous, and to show us how left to ourselves we do not produce good morality. Morality based on our “best guess” will be shaky at best.

                My teacher friend often tells me of the pain of rewarding unruly behavior as if it was good. Her school district has policies that seek to promote good behavior, they do this by positive reinforcement. No doubt well-intentioned child psych professors have recommended the tactics. A child poorly behaves all day long, but when they rest for a moment from their unruly behavior the moments reprieve is immediately rewarded. Now I understand needing positive reinforcement, however if we hand out rewards without ever addressing the root problem, we only make children more “right in their own eyes.” My friend tells of a child who behaved within the expected parameters all day, with no reward, questioning why a kid who only listened once was handed a treat. Those children were learning an incorrect morality. One was learning he could do whatever he wanted and the other was learning righteousness does not pay off.

                Consider how God delt with a child who ignored his expected morality. Genesis 4 tells of Cain who “presented an offering to the Lord from the land’s crops while Abel presented his flocks oldest offspring”. The Bible says, “The Lord looked favorably on Abel and his offering but did not look favorably on Cain and his offering.”  At this point Cain has done what he wanted to, and the Lord has given him “a face.”  As a parent I feel this portion of scripture so much. I often lay out an expectation only to have a child do whatever they want, I also give “unfavorable faces.”  Now at this point Cain has a choice, and he chooses to “become angry and look resentful” Again, the language of parenthood is all over this ancient encounter.

                 God immediately addresses Cain and tells him “Why are you angry and resentful? If you do the right thing, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do the right thing, sin will be waiting at the door ready to strike.”  The Lord reinforces the expectation, promises his favor for right behavior, and reminds Cain that he is letting sin rule him. He does not negotiate a new morality or let Cain tell him why the offering should be accepted. God does not say Cain you tried your best; it is ok. He does not try to see where Cain is coming from. God does not pull a Micah’s mom, “You stole my money, but at least you gave it back.” God hold’s the line, “do right, be accepted.”

                I hope you see God’s heart in parenting. Squishy renegotiated morality will not end well. The story of Cain and Abel shows a loving parent reaching out continually but refusing to negotiate morality. As the older woman I would advise you to follow God’s blueprint, you do not want to raise children who do what is right in their own eyes and leave you trying to patch up the mess.